Seven Months (and a lifetime to go)

Sunday , 28, September 2014 4 Comments

Seven months.  It’s been seven months since KT passed away.  Seven months since I got a text from my best friend.  Seven months since I’ve gotten to share a funny story from my day with her.  Seven months since I’ve been able to call her when I’ve needed support.

I have a new appreciation for time, I think.  I’ve been acutely aware of the passage of time for the last seven months.  First, I judged time in hours.  Eventually I stopped noticing each hour and instead counted days.  The first seven days without her lasted forever, but soon enough I started marking time in weeks, then months.  I suppose that someday, I won’t count months anymore–I’ll count in years.  I’m trying not to think about that at this point–it seems too big and too scary and too far away.

For now, today, the day that tells me another month has passed, still hurts.  I wish someone would have given me a heads up that it would still hurt this bad after what feels like so many months.

I recently found a website (What’s Your Grief) that includes a ton of resources about grief, including a list of “64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief.”  I have so much gratitude for their work in helping me understand things that simply don’t make sense.  I feel like someone has been kicking me in the gut all day, so it seems like a good day to share what I wish I would have known (some of my own, but main credit to WYG)…

  1. There is no such thing as closure.  Stop asking me if I’ve found it.  Bank accounts are closed, windows are closed, but the love we carry for those closest to us never closes.
  2. There’s no timeline for grieving, though people will try to impose timelines.  You will grieve, in some form, forever.
  3. You don’t get over it; you just get used to it.  Again, stop asking if I’ve moved on yet.
  4. There are days when you will feel totally and completely alone, whether you are or not.
  5. The world goes on, even when you’re so overcome with grief that it’s hard to breathe.  Bills need to be paid, work has to get done.  Doing those things like “normal” will feel (and maybe be) impossible.
  6. It’s especially devastating when you lose the person who supported you through other losses.
  7. Grief makes you lose focus and makes it difficult to complete tasks.  This is especially troublesome when you already struggle to focus.
  8. The subsequent loss of other people, even those with whom you weren’t super close, will feel heavier.
  9. People will say asinine things in an attempt to help.  Try to remember that they mean well even if they’re clueless.
  10. Grief lasts a lot longer than sympathy.

That last one…  I don’t think there’s any way to learn it without being forced to live it.  Today, it makes me feel like I’m completely alone, even when I’m talking to others, even when I’m in the company of others.  The grief goes on inwardly even if no one else notices anymore.

Seven months.  And, God-willing, a lifetime to go.

4 thoughts on “ : Seven Months (and a lifetime to go)”
  • Trey Gay says:

    Kelly poo…I absolutely love this post and love your insight and love you! I know I will never fill the void you have, but I hope you know I am here…always.

    • Kelly Stephens says:

      Trey, I’m not sure how, but I think you showed up in my world at just the right time. So glad! Looking forward to new adventures, even if they DO include a lot of running!

  • Michael says:

    Be mindful that you will see her again and take up where you left off. Be patient. Love ya.

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