In my first post on this blog, I refer to a blog post that I wrote in November of 2012–the one that I was SURE was going to get me started blogging once and for all.
Clearly, that was not the case.
In re-reading it, though, it’s struck me that those words are still yearning to be set free into the world. In a lot of ways, I think my thoughts from that day represent me at my MOST mindful. Not in a specific moment, perhaps, but in a place and time in my life when I was succeeding in really tuning into my life and what I needed and wanted.
So. From November 20, 2012, with just a few minor edits for logic’s sake, here she is, my first-ever blog post, a mere 14 months after being written:
Moments of pure joy.
I don’t know how else to describe them. Joy. Like, heart-breaking, remind-me-I’m-alive, tear-inducing moments of joy.
Clearly, this is not the “me” I’m used to being, so this part of me startles me when she shows up. When she feels to her core the intense beauty in a sunset. When instead of wishing a student would hurry up, she realizes how lucky she is to be trusted with their stories. When she hears her best friend say something that explains everything that’s been on her mind—even though neither has mentioned it before. When she realizes how different life looks now than it did a year ago. When she stops to watch ants building an anthill out of pollen puffs (no, seriously—I have pictures).
I swear I’m not high. Not high, just… more “me” than I’ve maybe ever been before.
I’m not talking about the “power of positive thinking” here. I still silently sigh at students when they over-share. I threaten to stab people with pens when their papers make my eyes bleed. I slump on the couch and grumble about my metabolism during my daily battle with my laziness. I swear at the dogs when their conniving, furry little asses wedge me out of bed at night.
But there’s just something new about life lately. Just… something. Out of the blue, I’ll realize that I’m living the moment. Intensely. And that the moment is amazing. Typical story for, say, hanging off the side of a cliff . But I’m not talking about life-changing moments here. I’m talking about times like when I’m changing into comfy clothes at the end of the day (ok, sometimes that moment DOES feel magical). But it’ll hit me like a wave. How lucky I am. How much I’ve seen. How much there’s left to learn.
Think I’m off my rocker yet? Good. Stick around. I think this is gonna be good.
Here’s what I do know. I saw this tweet (from one of my favorites, check him out) a couple of weeks ago, and it felt like a wake-up call to my soul.
“At my best, it is all fascinating.” Indeed.